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I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

The lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.

I usually take a two hour nap, from one to four.

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

It’s not too far, it just seems like it is.

His I.Q. is so low you can’t test it. You have to dig for it.

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.

Evil is obvious only in retrospect.

I’d far rather be happy than right.

I’d explain it to you but I’m afraid your head might explode.

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I can resist everything except temptation.

You’re pretty close to perfect when you’re standing next to me.

Every organization is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.

Some people are alive only, because it’s illegal to kill them.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

If there is a “WILL”, there are 500 relatives.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.