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I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I can resist everything except temptation.

You’re pretty close to perfect when you’re standing next to me.

I’m nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I’m perfect.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

His story is History, My Story is Mystery.

We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs.

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.

My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money.

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

The lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math.

Coffee, chocolate, men… some things are just better rich.

When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.

I’d explain it to you but I’m afraid your head might explode.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.