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If you like me, then raise your hand, If not then raise your standard.

Oh, so you wanna argue, bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON.

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

His I.Q. is so low you can’t test it. You have to dig for it.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.

Evil is obvious only in retrospect.

I’d far rather be happy than right.

I’d explain it to you but I’m afraid your head might explode.

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I can resist everything except temptation.

You’re pretty close to perfect when you’re standing next to me.

I’m nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I’m perfect.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

His story is History, My Story is Mystery.

We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs.

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.