07955031079

Haha, muppet.

I'm ashamed at the way people are behaving on here .its worse than a school play ground .

The participation of foreign despots in online chat rooms or Forums of this nature is a sometimes interesting and not unwelcome event. I'm afraid that a trusted ally in a monitoring station (at a secret location in an unidentified, but friendly, country) has indicated that this post is NOT actually from The Great Leader. Nor one of his minions/lackeys for that matter. Our initial tracking suggests a disaffected ex-employee of the Henson Warehouse. (Or that might be CarPhone Warehouse, my researcher's handwriting resembles that of a spider on crystal meth.)

Get your coat love !

And they're ........ OFF! 👲

Sign on the Ladies Loo this morning

"Sorry, we are experiencing technical difficulties

Please try again in a few moments".

You just couldn't make it up !

YEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!     We are now open as usual.

"No $h1t Sherlock!"

Oh it seems a brass band has turned up outside the Ladies Lavatory. Are they playing 'Nearer My God To Thee'?

Someone naughty substituted magic mushrooms for the staff biscuits again.

What do the initials DNA stand for?
National Dyslexia Association.

Can someone get Bog brush inspector at Wilson Titquid  sectioned before he does himself a damage?

As I was walking down the street today, I bumped into a school teacher that I had a huge crush on when I was younger.

"Tom?" she stopped. "Is that you?"

"That's me!" I smiled.

She said, "You look great! Where are you off to?"

"The tattoo parlour," I nervously replied.

"Sounds exciting," she winked. "What are you getting?"

I said, "An erection."

from where i was sitting, seemed more like "A bidet with me"

A Yorkshire suit maker was jailed for five years yesterday.

He got caught selling t'weed

Q: "What do call an Australian who's good with a bat?"
A: "A vet!"

It is with a heavy heart that we have to tell you that you are not this weeks winner for that gag.

Q: "How can you tell when flight QF9 has safely arrived at LHR?"
A: "You can hear the whining even after the engines have been switched off!"
Ta-raaa .......

After such a buttock clenching gag. our thoughts are with the family, friends & colleagues of "ashes to ashes"

ye cannae keep a guid man doon!
A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers. After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."