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I said to my wife, "I'll make the tea."

She said, "Blooming hell, that's a first."

Four hours later I shouted from the kitchen, "Tea's ready."

She walked in mumbling, "About blooming time, I'm starving."

I said, "Do you want milk and sugar in yours?"

Message on behalf of our dearly beloved CEO.

Please do not direct your anger towards the people calling you, they do not enjoy the job but have to make a living some how, with most being young students or people who have been made redundant, they are also on zero hour contacts and under a lot of pressure to meet set targets, failing to reach targets results in less work being given to that employee.

Your entry is a classic.

Thanks for entering! Best of luck. We'll be in contact if you're one of our winners.

I asked my wife to moan more while we're having sex.
Now she goes: "You're always down the pub, you never do the washing up, you never pick your socks up...."

The revised opening hours of Wilson Tarquin are

Sunday:    CLOSED
Monday:    CLOSED
Tuesday:    CLOSED
Wednesday:    CLOSED
Thursday:    CLOSED
Friday:    CLOSED
Saturday:    CLOSED

A coach full of Liverpool supporters were killed in a crash and went upstairs. The Pearly Gates are closed and St. Peter stands inside. St.Peter says 'No scousers allowed in Heaven' so the scousers kick up a rumpus about how devoted they are to the faith, how honest they are etc..
St. Peter says 'Alright I'll go and check with the Boss. God says 'No scousers in Heaven go and tell them from me'. Off St. Peter goes. Five minutes later he's back and says 'They've gone', God asks 'The scousers?' St Peter replies, 'Er no, the gates!'.

After it's procession through Liverpool, Cilla Black's hearse received a much-deserved round of applause as it arrived at the church.

With all four wheels still attached.

What do you call 15 telephone  cold callers at the bottom of the sea?

A start

Brilliant! just love it.

Three friends, a Rabbi,  a Hindu holy man and a Telemarketeer, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn." "No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening in their memory."  With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer.  He replied, "I am grateful to you, good sir, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door.  "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks.  The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the Telemarketeer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn.

Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door.

Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood...

The pig and the cow.

Attention: Due to essential maintenance of the Ladies Lavatory, the laws of physics will be suspended from 11pm to 6am this Monday. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Sir Michael Wilshaw outlined plans for a tough new inspection regime from September under which all new trainees would be quizzed as to whether their training had been adequate.

Speaking at the North of England education conference in Nottingham yesterday, Sir Michael said the main reason why teachers quit was the lack of discipline in the classroom - for which they had not been adequately trained to deal with.

"It is a national scandal that we invest so much in teacher training and yet an estimated 40 per cent leave within five years," he said.

He acknowledged that education standards watchdog Ofsted had not been as "demanding as it should have been" with inspecting both school and university training providers.

"We will be much tougher on providers as well as with schools that don't adequately support those new to the profession," he added. "In my view there is no such thing as a bad newly qualified teacher, just one that is badly trained, poorly accredited and badly supported when they start teaching."

He asked his audience: "How many times have heads said to me that their trainees had been tutored by people with little or no up-to-date school experience or a record or a record of outstanding teaching.

"How many times have I heard that trainees have been sent into schools without proper guidance on professional behaviour or dress?

"How many times have I heard that trainees have been inadequately prepared to deal with poor behaviour."

He later told his audience: "Most of them (the teachers that leave) leave because of misbehaviour in schools.  They find it far too challenging and difficult."

Sir Michael also heavily criticised teachers' leaders for playing up the profession's problems in their speeches.

"Far too many of those who claim to represent the profession endlessly list its problems and ignore its triumphs," he said. "Of course, teachers have their complaints. But there is a difference between a professional with a legitimate criticism and a serial complainer with another moan. One tends to be listened to, the other does not.

"Those who persist in treating teachers as perpetual victims risk infantilising the profession and depressing recruitment."

Earlier, Labour's Shadow Education Secretary Tristram Hunt had warned that creativity was being "beaten" out of the school curriculum. Items like geography field trips, team sports, practical science lessons and music, arts and drama were being squeezed out of the curriculum.

He pledged that a Labour government would increase the availability of professional development courses for teachers to enable them to specialise in subjects like these - and in classroom behaviour.

GOOD Sack the bloody lot And i will find a niuce motorway for them and him to sit in the middle of...

http://www.complaintsboard.com/complaints/wilson-tarquin-harrasment-c604912.html

YOU   get the gold star xxx

I just got a phone call from this same number! I didn't know what is was thanks for the information. I hate scams

Don't go anywhere near the "Ladies" this morning,
Sounds more like a farting contest in progress !

Yes yes it's  someone wanting to burgal your house!

That must be my proverbial black hole you're gazing at! Nice!

Staff at Wilson Tarquin are subject to what used to be called "Mushroom Management"…kept in the dark and fed bullsh*t.